Intuition is not always reliable
Chris Brogan is a blogger I have been following for some time. He’s operating in the social media space, but also offers a lot of practical content that I find motivational. In a recent post, he discussed the concept of “mind-reading,” which means you’re trying to guess what the other person is thinking. The operative word is “guess” because you could easily be wrong.
Instead, he suggests that it’s better to just to say directly what you want to know — or what you want them to know — cutting out misinterpretation. From his post:
For instance, you can walk up to someone and say, “I’d love to introduce myself, if this is a good time.” That takes your worry away that the person might be thinking now isn’t a good time, because instead, you’ve given them the opportunity to say that maybe you can connect later. Make sense?
Another way to do it is to communicate more of your position so that the other person doesn’t try mind-reading you. Remember, you’re not the only one doing this. So, for instance, you might say, “I’m usually a bit quiet during negotiations, but please don’t let that silence seem like I’m upset. I’m actually quite excited about this opportunity.” See how that puts everything back in their hands?
This is so helpful. There are many times when I’ve wanted to approach someone, but was waiting for visual cues altering me that they weren’t too busy. Why not just ask? Or when I’ve hoped people understood that I was acting a certain way because it is my nature — why not just tell them?
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2 Responses
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Interesting. I really like the notion of being more direct. However, I think there are a few things to consider when doing this. In the first example, where you walk up and ask to speak to someone– if it’s a good time for them– is great… almost. I think people do this already but without real regard to the visual or verbal cues that could come in response. “I’d like to speak to you, if now is a good time” and then the person launches right in to whatever it is they want to say. The “if now is a good time” is an empty gesture. It’s like saying “how are you” as you pass someone — you don’t *really* want to know, it’s just part of our common greeting. Perhaps I’m being a Debbie Downer about how I feel the average person will behave —- I just think it’s important to both be direct but ALSO to pay attention to visual and verbal cues. They need to go hand in hand or you’re right back where you started.
Very true. As with all things, we need a balanced approach based on the situation. Thanks for your comment.